Why a Forklift is the Best Ride in Town

March 24, 2014

Carnival season is here: the crisp autumn air, the gooey calorie-laden fun food, and the dizzying fair rides. There’s a ride you can enjoy all year long with forklift certification. Its sleek smooth body and superior handling are legendary.

You can have your family SUVs, your compact models, and your sports cars. Heavy machinery outstrips them all. Its powerful front wheel drive and casual good looks are nothing less than magnetic. Talk about cruise control: with this baby you can cruise and control. Those puny average automobiles don’t even have appendages. How slack.

It’s so easy to get qualified to operate a lift that you can have your license in your pocket as soon as you get home from the festival. Just log on to the secure site from your Smart phone, pay the $38 fee, watch the slide presentation, and pass the quiz. Then print your document right after you walk in the door. You have to admit—that’s a much better prize than a stuffed animal anyway. It’s cheaper than those fair tickets, too.

Your newfound charisma has definitely boosted your ratings on the popularity meter. Back at work, try not to lose all humility as the crowd gathers and drools over the total awesomeness of your equipment.

Wouldn’t it be cool if you could take it on your next date? Man, did she get lucky. That unsuspecting chick has waited all her life to be picked up by a man in an industrial truck. It will be the most awesome evening of her memory.

Your forklift certification will be good for three years of amazing fun all over the United States, Canada, and Mexico. So when you win that all-expenses-paid trip for two to Acapulco, she won’t have to miss seeing her favorite piece of machinery.