Has a forklift got you under its spell?

December 11, 2013

You were cruising along minding your own business, your windows rolled down, and the breeze blowing through your hair, when you had to do a quick double take.  You just saw the most incredible hunk of machinery, a forklift, doing what it does best. Its skillful handling and smooth moves have you under its spell. You just found the companion of your dreams on a construction site. You can’t wait to see it again in close proximity, to run your fingers over its smooth metal. You assume a glassy-eyed look. That faraway stare is the outward and visible sign of serious longing. When you get back from the twilight zone, here’s how you can have real access to the attraction that put stars in your eyes:

Would you believe that you can gain access to all of this right on our secure website? You can take an online safety course in less than two hours, and print your legal qualifications to operate heavy machinery. For a price of $38, you can get forklift certification. The educational presentation and follow-up test meet all the federal requirements, and your license will be accepted in every state in the United States for three years. It will also apply in Canada and Mexico, in case you want to explore the international possibilities. That license will eliminate the temptation to make an illegal U-turn just to gawk.

Your vision fades to the fantasy of hanging around these beauties at work: you imagine them moving, as if down a runway, with the grace of a gazelle. They are no slouches in the talent competition, either. They don’t just sing; they purr. OK, that tiara looks stupid. You can throw it away and enjoy your new title as king of the warehouse. Who needs rhinestones anyway? You have the best of show.